Home
The
Necessity of Support
What
is support?
Loving
ones self enough for support.
How
to choose best support for you
Find
a Divorce support group
About
support groups
Recovery
and support groups
Starting
your own support group.
The
Necessity of Support
When
you are going through the process of the emotional and legal divorce, it
is very important to your well-being to have a person(s) to talk to about
what you are experiencing.
Talking
out what is going on with you will help you to sort out your thoughts,
to begin healing the wounds of your losses, and to keep your head straight
during this time of major decision making and change. Hearing your thoughts
out loud helps you to make better decisions and you may even find people
who are willing to give you feedback. When you can dump of some of your
frustrations and your anger energy through talk, venting, sarcasm and joking
it helps your immune system.Talking to supportive people is good, and necessary
for you and your health while you are going through the process of emotional
and legal divorce. What you can talk out you will not act out!
It
could be that when you are going through the loss of your marriage that
some of the closest people to you will be unable to support your recovery
and it is not that they are doing on purpose to hurt you, but
they may simply be dealing with their own letting go, have their own lives
to tend to, and most often they just do not understand the process of divorce
because they have never lived it. Therefore you will have to look at alternate
sources of support for yourself.
What
is support?
Support
feels good, in that it leaves you feeling like an intact okay person and
sometimes you feel somewhat stronger from it or it seems to put wind beneath
your wings. Support is when someone can be there for you, be on your side,
want what is good for you, understand what you are feeling and going through,
allow you to talk about what is going on with you, accept your thoughts
and feelings as to what you are feeling at that particular moment, understand
the irrational divorce anger.
When
someone rams your feelings back down your throat, tell you that you shouldn't
feel that way, says things to shame you or feel guilty about your process,
support the ones you are battling with, tell you to get over it because
divorce is so common, hurt you with their words of misunderstanding, constantly
criticizes your former spouse or the opposite sex, color a nasty picture
of the parent to you or in front of your children.. This may look like
support, but it only adds to your frustration and holds you back and keeps
you immersed in the heavy energy draining emotions. It causes you
to become bitter rather than better. All this does is weaken you and prolongs
your recovery. Staying around this type of uninformed support keeps you
stuck in the muck . . . sometimes for many, many years.
Look
for support from a variety of people rather than depending only upon one
as it may be a very heavy load for just one individual, unless it is their
job and you are paying for their service.
Frequently
after the death of a marriage it is difficult to love ones self and
you may even have the urge to punish yourself by placing yourself
around people and things that are not kind to you. Yet learning to treat
yourself like a precious person is a part of your recovery after divorce.
Choosing to place yourself around supportive people is a good place to
start working this area of recovery after divorce.
How
to choose support that is good for you during this segment of your road
of life.
Few
people, unless they have lived through a divorce, understand the unique
emotional process of divorce. Therefore at this time of your life until
you start feeling less vulnerable, try to place yourself around people
who have experienced divorce or similar loss. Heal some of your hurt and
get stronger before you resume socializing with those who are unable
to understand your process, and as well, avoid any venting with the
former in-laws or friends of your former spouse.... as there is no longer
water in those wells for you... and rightly so.
Rather
choose people who are experiencing the same process as you are or have
been through a divorce and appear to have come out of their divorce emotionally
better, rather than bitter. So whether it is a friend, your siblings, a
personal life coach, a counselor or stranger at a Divorce/Separated Support..
I encourage you make yourself go talk with these people. You
will be surprised at how much that action will speed up your recovery.
It feels good when you know that someone understands and supports you and
wants you to get well again.
When
you do not have an individual to talk with, or even if you do, you may
want to find a Divorce support group in your community.
Divorce/Separated/Widowed
Support Groups provide a place, for vulnerable people who have lost
their marriages, to talk to others who are also going through the process
of a broken love relationship, legal and emotional divorce, etc. It is
people you can relate with, ask questions re a legal dissolution, learn
from their experiences, meet new single people without the pressures of
dating, find hope, learn more about the process, have opportunity to socialize
and make new friends. (Do not confuse these support groups with singles
dating groups!) Plunging into a romantic relationship before you have
done some recovery, only puts your healing on hold and is an invitation
for more pain.
I
suggest that you start with a simple support groups and later when you've
worked through some of the process, attend a support recovery group.
About
support groups
Most
groups have minimal fees depending on the rental of the meeting place.
Some are completely free when they are sponsored by an organization.
Recovery
groups usually cost more because they follow a program and there are books
involved, room rental, instructor, etc.
Some
support groups hold their meetings in churches that have generously
provided the meeting place and yet are not affiliated with any religion
at all and some are very religious and impose their beliefs at the meetings.
Divorce
happens to people of non religion, of all religions, ages and races
and a supportive recovery group is based upon the experience of the emotional
and legal divorce.
Unlike
the simple support groups where no commitment to recovery is required,
recovery groups have set programs to follow and work and can last from
a few days to six months depending on the areas of readjustment they focus
on. Usually the longer the program, the more areas of recovery are
covered and therefore the program is more effective both in recovering
and the establishment of a supportive friendship base. Some of these recovery
programs are non denominational and some are religious..
Starting
your own support group.
When
you cannot find a support group in your community, I urge you to a support
group in your community. Not only will it be very helpful to you, but it
is something that will be in place for other people long after you have
completed your own recovery.
You
can also start a self help recovery support group by using the Lifeline
Recovery program as your guide. Each reads the sections and apply it to
their lives. At the meeting each discuss what their experience with the
assignment was like, etc..
Details
on setting up your own support group is enclosed in the
Lifeline Recovery Program.
