Importance of Dumping Your Feelings As You Divorce

	Home It is good in the early stages of divorce to dump your feelings. To talk to people. To purge what is going on inside of you. To feel sorry for yourself. To pity yourself. To visualize yourself as being shredded or broken into little pieces. To describe yourself as crushed, mashed, feeling cut with a serrated knife, feeling like discarded thrash or like a piece of shit. To blame your spouse. To blame the other man or woman your spouse chose to have an affair with. To blame the in-laws. To blame the affairs. To blame having had the babies too soon. To blame the dog... To say if I hadn't done this or that.... If she or he hadn't done this or that... If events had been different... If, if, if, if , if... And when your spouse has left and gone and moved on and has already rebuilt a nest, has a mate in the nest and sometimes eggs also...that for awhile you pretend that she or he will be walking back into a marriage relationship with you at any minute now, to not tell other people you are now a single, to keep wearing your wedding ring, to pretend that he or she will not be able to survive without you therefore they will be back after they have had their little fling, to shut down anyone who tells you the reality of that you no longer have a marriage... To cry. To sob. To bawl. To shout. To have anger spill out of your mouth with every word that comes out of there.. To be angry, frustrated, pissed, furious, vindictive. To feel sad. To feel down. Listless. Depressed. To have the urge to dump your e-motions.
	Yes, you gotta dump all this junk while you are going through emotional divorce. All that stuff inside of you gives you cramps and then the verbal diarrhea relieves you somewhat. At this early stage of divorce you can't hold it back and if you try, you do get sick. Nature is telling you that all this stuff needs to come out if you are ever going to restore your emotional health. At the beginning it is necessary to reshuffle your thoughts. When you relieve yourself by talking it out, other people give you feedback to assist you in your processing. This journey through this energy draining emotional muck is one you must make so that one day you reach acceptance of all your significant losses that resulted from your broken marriage, and it is then that you will be able to climb out of it and thereby stop wallowing in the muck of the past. ....And, once you arrive to that point in your healing recovery journey you will then and only then be able to focus upon YOUR own life, once again. You will now be able to dream new dreams that will carry you into your future. You will now once again step into your new life and take charge of how you will live it for the rest of your life. No longer will you have the divorce diarrhea cramps and urges. After the purge of all the energy draining emotions from your brain, now there will be room for the new and lighter energy gain emotions to take up space in your head and your heart. Being immersed in the heavy energy draining emotions is a long emotionally exhausting journey, but when you take the steps to do serious recovery it leads you to once again feeling good.. Joy, love, light, happiness, hope.... are once again able to enter into you and dance in and amongst your life. And after the process of emotional divorce, especially if it the emotional divorce has lasted for many, many years, those energy gain emotions feels darn good.. It feels as if you have started a whole new wonderful life. Yes, the serious divorce recovery work is a rather rough journey, but it actually makes you stronger, tougher, wiser.. You learn so much. It empowers you. You now discover exactly what you want in your life.. You have no life-holding you back regrets. Now you want to hang out with up-beat people. People in charge of their lives. Living their lives. Building dreams..You won't want be around the e-motions of people going through their emotional divorce anymore. You will have moved on... But.... Sometimes people never again arrive at this point. They become stuck in the muck!
	And.....Sometimes we can get so conditioned to those first energy draining emotions that we rebuild our lives and friendships around them. We build our friendships with people who support us in the negative emotions, in the blaming, the denial, the self pity and before we know it many years have gone by since our significant loss.... and here we are with one foot in the past, hooked with attachments, regret, jealousy, pain, anger, depression, blame... Talking about our poor me story gets us attention from our friends. Life is easier for us, in this warped sense of way. We avoided, dodged, ran from or didn't know how to do the work of letting go and of taking charge of our lives and our inner happiness. WE have dis empowered ourselves by giving our power away to a long lost (decayed) marriage, relationship, partner , spouse and in the process of enduring our life, we have reinforced our deep down feelings of insecurity and now think we can no longer pull ourselves away from our negative support system. True, in the first stages after a broken marriage people do want to wallow and bathe themselves in all that muck. That mud muck seems to soothe some of the pain... so they hang on tight, until finally they get tired of feeling sick and tired and then they begin to purge, grieve, and do recovery work so they can get back in the drivers seat of their lives once again. But, for some of us, we just let things happen... so we become stuck in the muck. We take on the role of a victim and begin to live our life from that standpoint. We blame with our eyes shut, so when we don't see the three fingers pointing back at us every time we point them at someone or something. We lay on the floor and invite others to walk upon us so we can say, "Oh poor me", he or she has done me wrong and now every body and everything do me wrong also.... We have become bitter, sometimes rageful. We bite often. Or if we've swallowed all the original emotions we will be severely depressed. All those heavy, energy draining emotions that were natural once upon a time for our healing have now turned on us and consequently we now remain wallowing in them...year, after year, after year..... Those emotions may not be as raw as they were at the beginning because they have become encrusted and thereby fool us into believing we have recovered from our divorce. BUT... these energy drainers are very much present in our lives.. They run our lives... Stomp upon our lives... Rob us of our happiness... Whether we know it or not! Silently and cunningly our emotions affect all the people around us, all of our relationships and most sadly, they whittled away at our precious self. We are stuck in the muck and may not even know it!
	* People do not only get stuck in the muck due to a divorce, but also after other life altering experiences. Divorce is only one of the heavy duty experiences that may create a lot of muck. ...... And sometimes people bring that particular muck into their marriage and then with another divorce they are now dealing with double muck or triple muck or quad.....
	The good news is that no matter how encrusted the muck is or how deep it is and how long a person has been immersed in the muck.. They can get unstuck and move forward in their lives and enjoy wonderful things, exactly where they are planted right now, at this moment in time of their lives. Yet, few will reach out for the lifeline... Few will start pulling themselves out of their self imposed dark heavy way of surviving their life
	Because once people have slipped into this hole they become experts with coming up with reasons why they want to remain in their pit. But can we believe them? Mostly it would be fear that would drive me stay here in the dank hole, because after all, once I would have learned to live in that hole..life would be pretty uncomplicated, wouldn't need to take responsibility for creating my happiness. I would just wait for others to bring it to me down in that hole. So then, what would scare me about crawling out into the fresh air, the warm sun, the living plants, the bustling of alive people and the land of the living? More often than not it is that I would have to start taking responsibility to create the kind of life I desire and do the work to attain the happiness I want. Afraid of letting go of that son a va bitch or that bitch and thereby setting myself free to possibly enjoy a new compatible husband or wife or life enhancing companion.. Afraid of letting go of the hate I have for her or him, because it will mean I will have to swallow what I have slandered about him or her and I will be ashamed of me, even more than how secretly ashamed I feel about me right now. Afraid of letting go of my depression as it will mean I will have take responsibility to rebuild my life just the way I secretly would like to have had it. Afraid of letting go of the anger because it is my right to wallow in it... He or she has done me wrong and it cannot be undone... If I let go of my feelings of powerlessness over those situations of the past, all the pain I felt because of it, I will have to face my fear of seeing the role I played in the marriage, or what I have been doing to myself up to now or afraid of moving on, and I am NOT READY, so I would rather keep myself in that dank hole rather than move into the land of the living. Afraid to reach out for help because I feel I am not worth it. Afraid to reach out for help because I will probably fail, don't feel I am worth it, that nobody will understand, that I will be scared to try new things .... Afraid that it will confirm what I secretly believe about me..That I am nothing without him or her or my status of husband or wife, have no identity, don't know who I am... I secretly think I am not enough. I am a piece of shit and I probably am .. Or is it that I am afraid that I will discover that I really am not what I believe about my self? Fear will drive me to say, "I'm feel better as to compare to what it used to be like, so therefore why stir all that up again." Therefore I prefer to stay in this hole. Fear will drive me to say, "I've already dealt with all that stuff.." Even though I am still angry, depressed, wishing she or he would come back and try to put in a punch every chance I get. Fear will drive me to say, "I don't need help." Fear will drive me to say, "Everybody around me tells me I have a right to be depressed or to to be angry because of what that baaaad spouse did to my life years ago. They tell me I am the victim for what was done to me. See.. I am okay and it gives me permission to not take charge of creating an internal happy life today and to remain living life from the standpoint of victim.. Fear of who I really am. What if after I clean off this muck that discover that I am an awesome magnificent human being? Fear has me saying, "Asking for help is like saying I am crazy, or a failure, or flawed, or not right... So rather than finding out the real truth about myself, I will continue to secretly believe I am crazy, or a failure, or flawed, or not right... " Fear has me recoiling from anything that says I could make myself stronger, enriched, more, empowered... I instantly interpret this to say, "YOU ARE DEFECTIVE!!" because secretly I believe I am defective, so whenever someone throws me a lifeline or anything else to make my life better with, I will instantly react from that point of protecting my self and trying to hide from others the defectiveness I believe about me.. My belief that I am not enough or a shameful person or a worthless human being will have me protecting my woundedness by saying all kinds of reasons I do not want to invest in a coach, a counselor or in a recovery program. Instead I invest in things to sedate and soothe my internal woundedness, or to hide what I think I am from others by distracting them with flashy props, perk myself up with flashy impressive things so others will see that as part of me and be distracted from seeing that pitiful part of me. But this feeling and these props will be temporary and cost much money and it will never be enough to feel honestly and authentically good about me. And yet... it is the The Personal Life Coach, the Self Help programs, a Therapist that will guide me to discovering my awesome magnificence and that will lead me to empowering myself permanently... for the rest of my life! But sadly, where I am at emotionally and how I secretly feel about myself .. at this time of my life I cannot really understand how it can help me or is it that I know that it can and will make my life better and that is what is really scaring me to reach out?
	Lifeline After Divorce Recovery Program is a lifeline to lift YOURSELF out of that hole and bring yourself into living your own life fully. It is to clean up the past so you can reclaim your life. It works, even when you believe that you are not deserving or capable of living your own life and having it filled with joy. All you need to do is to start by reaching out for something you feel will be good for you. Simply tug on that lifeline and put one foot in front of the other and try to rappel out of that hole, up and out of that hard and painful living in the muck... and dare to go into new beginnings. It may be the most courageous thing you have ever done for your life! *~ Coaching people to their greatest magnificence ~* Louise Gobeil Jenner Personal Life Coach This web site has been online since 2000 Recovery-After-Divorce.com © L.Jenner All Rights reserved Contact

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